What Are We Working So Hard For?

I’ve felt genuinely saddened by the news of Dolly Parton’s passing. It’s funny because I could never claim to have been a huge country music fan. Of course, there are a few songs that will always get your toe tapping, and I know the big hits, but I must confess there are probably many more Dolly songs I wouldn’t recognise. And yet, she was an absolute legend.

There was something about Dolly that transcended the music. The humour, the warmth, the sparkle and that wonderful ability not to take herself too seriously. She seemed to bring a little bit of sunshine with her, and I think that is a rare and wonderful thing.

A few days ago, I was out for lunch when I noticed something written on the wall of a local restaurant: “Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” Dolly Parton. RIP. It struck a chord. Perhaps because of the timing. Perhaps because of where I find myself in life just now.

Over the past year, I have been going through what I can only describe as a significant, life-changing event. I’m not going to share the details here because some things belong outside the public domain. But I can share what it has changed. It has changed my relationship with time. It has changed how I think about work. And it has made me think much more deeply about how I want the next chapter of my life to look.

This past year has reminded me, in a way I would never have chosen, that the time we assume we have isn’t something any of us should take for granted.

I have always worked hard. It was instilled in me from childhood. I watched my mother toil from morning until night and I grew up believing that if you wanted anything in life, you had to work for it, and work hard. Nothing was simply handed to you. And, in many ways, I am incredibly grateful for that lesson.

That work ethic has served me well. It carried me through my career and, eventually, gave me the courage and determination to build a business from scratch.

When you build your own business, particularly in those early years, you say yes to an awful lot. You take the opportunities when they come. You work the evenings. You squeeze another piece of work into an already full diary. You tell yourself you’ll slow down when things settle. Except things rarely settle. There is always another client, another project, another deadline, another opportunity. And somewhere along the way, being busy can start to feel like evidence that you are doing well.

I’m not sure I believe that anymore. Not because I have lost my work ethic. I don’t think I ever will. What I am beginning to question is the idea that working hard must always mean working more. Because there is another side to having that deeply ingrained work ethic.

When you have spent a lifetime believing that hard work is what gets you somewhere, slowing down can feel strangely uncomfortable. Saying no to work when you could say yes can feel almost indulgent. An empty space in the diary can feel like something that ought to be filled.

Perhaps that is why Dolly’s words have stayed with me. “Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” I don’t think those words are telling us not to work hard. I think they are reminding us what all that hard work was supposed to be for in the first place.

Today, I find myself in the very privileged position of being able to make some different choices. I don’t take that privilege lightly because it certainly wasn’t always the case. But I have decided to change the way I work.

And I want to be clear about that. I’m not stepping away from my business or from the work I love. Far from it. I still want to work. I still want to walk into training rooms, work with great clients, develop new ideas and create programmes that make a real difference. I still get excited about what I do and I’m certainly not ready to give any of that up.

What has changed is that I no longer feel I have to do everything. I can be a little more selective about the clients I work with and the work I take on. I can choose the work that excites me, where I know I can add real value and where there is a genuine desire to make something happen. I can say no sometimes. Not because I care less about my work, but because I have become much clearer about the place I want work to occupy in my life.

I want to continue building a business I’m proud of. I just want to make sure I’m enjoying the life I built alongside it.

For a long time, I think success meant building something. Growing the business. Winning the work. Being asked back. Filling the diary. Now I wonder whether there comes a point when success starts to look quite different. Maybe success is having built something that gives you choices. Maybe it is knowing what deserves a yes and what deserves a no. Maybe it is being able to close the laptop without feeling guilty. Maybe it is a Tuesday afternoon spent somewhere you love, with someone you love. Maybe it is simply having enough space in your life to notice your life while you are living it.

This season of my life has been course-altering. I wouldn’t have chosen the circumstances that brought me here, but I can choose what I do with what they have taught me. I still have ambition. I still want to do great work. I still have ideas, plans and things I want to create. But I no longer want a full diary simply for the sake of having a full diary.

Perhaps there comes a time when the reward for working hard isn’t simply the opportunity to keep working hard. Perhaps the reward is choice.

Choice about the work I do and the people I do it with. Choice about where I spend my time. Choice to occasionally leave some white space in the diary and resist the urge to fill it. And, ultimately, the choice to make room for the life I worked so hard to build.

So thank you, Dolly. For the music I knew, the many songs I apparently didn’t, the sparkle and the sunshine, and for leaving behind a few words on a restaurant wall that found me at exactly the right time.

“Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” I’m going to try very hard not to.